Monday: An evaluative approach

The Conundrum of the non-social: how social to be in the balance of everything?

The Conundrum of the woman who needs to clean her house and take a shower: what to do first?

The Conundrum of the mother who was sick, now feels better, but still needs a nap. Along with a clean house and a shower: Again, what to do first? Or, ever?

The Conundrum of the grumpy one year-old: Cry now? Later? Both?

The Conundrum of Monday: where to start? Answer: Well, at least get some blogging out of the way.

Today's adventure is...

My four year-old is coloring at the table. She is singing variations on the Star War's Darth Vader theme. It's pretty much the best.

My one year-old is sick. He caught the make-you-throw-up stomach bug that my other son and my oldest daughter had on Sunday. I put him down early for a nap and as far as I know he's asleep. Which is good. It's good to have him in the crib, and sleeping. My motto is: I'd rather clean up bed sheets than my new rug. Okay, that's not really my motto, it just kind of is, when my kids have the stomach flu. Also, sleep is helpful when you're sick.

So, three kids down, two to go - and we're just pretending this is the kind of thing that skips the parents. Which is why I am not eating anything this morning. Because my stomach is queasy, but only from empathy, right? Yes. I am nothing, if not an empathetic parent. Okay, that's not really true, oh wait, it is. I am pretty good with empathy. I could work on sympathy, however. Sometimes I'm a little too "come on and buck up." I should work on that.

Anyway, I am going to clean something now. Or maybe just look through a magazine. But what I am really going to do now is go and check on my baby, because sick babies are the saddest thing, and I hope he's just sleeping through it.

Hmmm.

I haven't read it.

But, despite it being the most memorable and probably my favorite BYU football play ever, I think the idea of a children's book called The Answered Prayer about a football game is just...something that makes me shake my head a little bit at Mormon Culture.

That's all.

Then, Now

That day I woke up and got dressed. I put on my make-up. Ben and I drove to work. It was one of the few mornings we didn't have Morning Edition on.

This morning I woke up later than I would have that day. I got dressed and put on my make-up. I got breakfast for some of my children. I didn't listen to the radio because it's Sunday. We were getting ready for church.

Then, I walked into work to find people gathered in my boss' office staring at the television. Both towers had been hit. The South tower fell shortly after I arrived.

This morning I got to church and settled into the pew. I glanced at the clock after realizing what day it was, not for lack of remembrance this week, and tried to calculate according to Eastern Daylight Time, what was happening 10 years ago. It was almost nine o'clock here, it would have been almost 11 a.m. there.

Then I called Ben, my mom, and watched in disbelief at what was taking place in the East. I had been through the Kennedy airport once.

I have now lived just above NYC; I have wandered the city. I have only been to Ground Zero once.

Then I was three months pregnant with my first child.

Today I have five children.

That day I went home, watched CNN, and that evening I lay on my bed sorting through the impossibility of the day.

Today I made dinner, I read to my children, I watched a little bit of the coverage on MSNBC. They were replaying their broadcast from 10 years ago. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I heard on the radio yesterday a widow talking about how she's baffled by the statement "Never Forget" because every year on the anniversary of her husband's death, there is a big national bereavement, and she thinks it might be helpful for everyone to move on a little bit more, instead of replaying it all over again, and again, and again.

She may be right.

That day was like nothing I ever hope to relive and my experience was minor on the scale of horror that other's endured. I hope that no one else has to ever live through something as terrifying. I know that will probably not be the case.

But I wish all the world many more normal, happy, safe days, with chocolate chip cookies in the oven, and everyone they love coming back home.

Like I had today.

a list of today

Today I got up a little later than I would have liked and earlier than I wanted.

My girls actually got in and picked up their room and made their beds. One of them really practiced and one of them sort of practiced the piano. The sort-of practiced was my fault, because I was supposed to sit down with her and help her go over things.

I did a load or two of laundry. It got dried but not folded.

I cleaned the kitchen and swept the floor, but I didn't polish the counter or the table.

I played Atlantique Nord, by Yann Tierson, on the piano. I'm getting better at the fast part of it, but today I stumbled over a lot of the notes, even the easy parts.

I made my bed. I wrote some checks out for a few bills. I didn't mail them.

I am trying to get everyone to pick up after themselves so I don't have to do it for them. I'm not sure which is more exhausting. I am trying to persevere with the first, but it's turning me into a real grump, so it may not be worth it. But it is worth it in a Catch-22 kind of way, because having to pick up everyone's things makes me grumpy these days, too. Also, having a disorderly house is also causing fits of grumpiness, so that may just be where we're at these days.

I have a list of things I know I should be focusing on getting done and ignoring everything else: mostly they include things of healthy physical and spiritual sustenance, sans junk food (of both kinds). I just have to find the oomph to do them. I did eat the last of the peanut butter m&m's so that should help.

My baby is crying downstairs, but I already got him out of bed once to rock him, and I'm afraid he's just going to have to settle in and go to sleep. I think he is getting a cold.

I think it's almost time for bed.

Goodnight.

Saturday Night

Saturdays are hectic days.

There is always a lot to do.

I either need to find a way to get more done during the week, or I need to organize my time better.

I think coordination and planning might help, but come on -- who has time for that!?!