don't be still, my heart

Today while playing outside my oldest ran over to me with an excited smile after doing several laps up and down the sidewalk. "My heart is beating!" she proclaimed and then she proceeded to stand still for a moment with a look of awe on her face as she listened to her heart pushing the blood through her body. Then she was off again, running back and forth, skipping here and there, until the inevitable; she fell and scraped up her knee and it was bleeding.

There are things that make our hearts beat, but in the beating of that small instrument, the percussion of our lives, is also the capacity, the inevitability really, that we will bleed. In the most literal sense, that's life.

A few things that make my heart beat:
Ben
Watching my girls dance, or just listening to them talk.
The monarch butterfly who has been gracing us with his presence when we're outside.
My little boy's smile when his sisters come to talk to him.
The fall leaves.
Cookie dough.
A good phone conversation or email.
Family karaoke at my parents' house.

hindsight is 20/20; sometimes foresight is too

Sometimes you just know, but once the offer is out there it's hard to but it back in your mouth. Even when your busy husband says that really it's fine to leave the girls while you go walking, you just have to be benevolent. Besides your girls are already excited about going with mom, anyway. And you're only leaving the recently fed baby with dad, and so even if the exercise routine is a little less-than, at least someone will get some work done. You repeat this in your mind as you walk out the door herding the kids down the stairs and glancing at the baby who doesn't look very happy about being left out, nevermind that he's already nursed and eated some yummy pears to boot. Also nevermind that he gets a little panicky when mom's gone, nevermind that he hasn't been feeling great, at least that's the assumption because he was so sad and grumpy yesterday.... Yes, sometimes you just know, but you can't stop it from happening. The ball is rolling and there's no stopping it until it hits the pins.

I didn't get much exercise and baby was crying in full-force when we got home, despite the additional food Ben was trying to get into his mouth between cries and typing up a sentence or two. So Ben didn't get as much done as he could have if I had just left the girls to entertain the baby who wouldn't have noticed I was gone. The girls did have a good time, and it was fun to listen to them talk about the ducks and trees and the big, bad wolf who lives in the forest, but I realized how much exercise time is also "me" time. Well, live and learn.

Wish me luck. Apparently a tornado struck our house this weekend without our notice (or approval, I might add) and has strewn toys and clothes everywhere, so I'm off to the races, where I can gamble on a fast horse and hopefully win enough money to pay for a maid. Cheers!

A Little Tooth

Your baby grows a tooth, then two,
and four, and five, then she wants some meat
directly from the bone. It's all

over: she'll learn some words, she'll fall
in love with cretins, dolts, a sweet
talker on his way to jail. And you,

your wife, get old, flyblown, and rue
nothing. You did, you loved, your feet
are sore. It's dusk. Your daughter's tall.

-Thomas Lux