Last week was a pretty crappy week. It was full of the normal life-pounding stress that accompanies us each week, along with spousal disappointments and disappointings (both sides contributing), pre-holiday navigations, high strung children, a baby with a newly found love of climbing dangerously to the tip of whatever is available whenever I turned around, all with a round of colds for everyone! cheers! I found myself really ticked off a few times over the course of the week and in tears a few times as well - both influenced by hormones I'm sure, but still: very unusal for me. It was a week where my strengths were seeming like weaknesses, and my weaknesses were worse. In short, it sucked.
Yesterday, I left church in tears, which sounds more dramatic than it was. Because my two little babes with colds couldn't go to nursery I had planned to take them home after the main meeting anyway. What I had hoped for, what I absolutely needed after the crazy and chaos of the week, was to be able to sit in Sacrament Meeting and just Be for a few minutes. I needed a chance to spiritually collect myself as I hadn't managed to do it all week between being angry, tired and yelling at my children (funny how that takes the good feelings just right out of your heart). Sigh. It was not to be.
My sweet daughter acted up immediately. I took her into the foyer. We were immediately followed by her brother and his blankie and his desire to run as fast as he could up and down the halls of the church. They were loud. They were noisy. They were incredibly disruptive. It was perfectly emblematic of the entire week: I was completely incapable of doing what I knew I needed and wanted to be doing. It was absolutely beyond me, just like the solutions to everything else that were weighing on me. I was overwhelmed and exhausted. And so I left crying. Which was good, because I needed the release.
Sunday did improve itself. I'm really hoping that the rest of this week follows suit.