Tuesday, May 5, 2009

This One's a Classic

How, I wonder each time I listen to Disney movie previews, can a movie that has not yet been released be a classic already?

Not only are all these new movies apparently born into the same category as Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, but their story lines are also assumed right away to be, yes, classics. Disney apparently wants no claim to originality, which is good, because most of the time, they aren't original. But really. I certainly don't think of Hercules as a classic, except where the Odyssey is concerned and we all know The Odyssey has been around long enough to warrant the title of classic.

Even The Little Mermaid: Return to the Sea is a "classic." Except there the voice-over man, throwing caution to the Disney wind says "...In a story unlike any other..." and goes on to tell a story about a daughter yearning to find some place beyond the boundaries her parents have set for her, who disobeys, finds herself tangled in some problems, gets some cute animal sidekicks, and is rescued and her disobedience vindicated. No. That story does not sound familiar at all. Not at all.

What I'm saying is that Disney People, You Are Not Fooling Me! I know a classic when I see it. I roll my eyes at your previews. And despite your attempts to indoctrinate my children into watching second-rate stories that are riding on the Hunchback of Notre Dame (the book is a classic; the movie: a farce) and, help us, Jennifer Love Hewitt lending her voice to one of the characters in a sequel and telling us that for sure! we will want this movie in our home to watch over and over again, you shall not prevail.

No matter how many classics you manage to produce this year.

1 comment:

  1. My all-time favorite Disney classic is Aladin 7: Jafar Does His Taxes.