Tuesday, September 19, 2006

ahoy, there! mateys! (arrghhh)

Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Get out your red bandana and your eye patch. Put some gold chains around your neck. Grab some skulls and a hat. Wear some baggy pants that come down to your knees. (Warning: if you forget the eye patch you may be mistaken for a rapper or a DJ instead). But I say forget talking like a pirate. (I've never been great at that anyway, it comes out sounding more like an Irish brogue.) How about Be A Pirate Day? Today this sounds very appealing.

There are a few things that I have in common with pirates. I look good in hats. I like treasure chests full of sparkling jewels and gleaming gold coins. I don't have a dishwasher. Pirates of the Caribbean was always my favorite (the ride, not the movie).

But pirates have a few advantages over me. For example the cleanliness requirements for dishes are pretty low. There's probably not even a huge need for them as long as you get some food, the preparation of which is minimal, I'd imagine. Pirates don't have to deal with a kid who has decided that going to the bathroom in a toilet is overrated. In fact having an "accident" on the starboard side may happen on a fairly regular basis and is probably not a big deal. My guess is that pirate ships are pretty smelly already and some additional urine won't make a heck of a lot of difference.

Also, pirates don't feel guilty for spanking one child for chasing their sister around when that sister is holding scissors, which is the object they happen to be fighting over. This is because running on deck with sharp objects is expected and even encouraged. And if you trip and fall on the sharp object, well, man overboard! Besides, flogging and making someone walk the plank are a pirates' kind of discipline. Spanking? Probably more of a form of affection, like a stern talking to. Laundry
rarely needs to be done because you only have maybe two sets of clothes and a dip in the ocean is as good as anything, and that happens whenever you tick off the captain. If you get concerned with the moral implications of being a pirate you can always call yourself a buccaneer and that makes everything okay. Well, alright. Maybe being a pirate is not all that it's cracked up to be.

The kicker on this gray day is this; as a pirate you get to sail to relaxing, sunny places like the Caribbean, or Puerto Rico or Hawaii or something. Today if you offered that to me, I might take you up on it.


  1. You are SO funny! I watched Wife Swap last for the first time ever-b/c there was nothing on tv. One of the families actually live like pirates. Clothes, fleas, etc. I couldn't believe it. And apparently there is a whole pirate community.

  2. Both my sons are requesting Jack Sparrow gear for Halloween. Last thing I need are two pirates pelting each other with swords, but what are you going to do? Pirates of the Caribbean is my favorite ride too.

  3. hmmmm. i was totally going to blog about "talk like a pirate day" but then i realized that no one reads my blog, and that i wouldn't know what to write besides "hey its talk like a priate day" holy moly i was laughing so hard at your post.

    and i agree the ride is my fave (tie with haunted mansion, or maybe the mark twain -- but only b/c thats where my hubby proposed) i was mad when the made it more "pc" the first time, and i havent been on it since they made the new changes - but i suspect it might anger me as well

  4. are you kidding me? they changed the ride again? there are a lot of things political correctness has done for the world, but come on! Leave the pirates alone. (of all the things that embody something that is not politically correct...)

    hey scribbit- my girls have blow up swords they play with- less dangerous, easy to put away! They are more interested in being princesses for Halloween. Or girl monsters.

  5. Thanks for the comment, good luck with the Scrabble thing . . . maybe you need some practice with crosswords?

  6. My favorite post from you ever! Thanks for making me laugh today. I love the part about having accidents on deck. Isn't it called a poop-deck or something anyway?

  7. new to your blog and reading old posts....but I love it! My high school mascot was the Pirate so we were always doing crazy pirate things. When we went to Disneyland our Sr. year we were pretty much unbearable while standing in line for Pirates of the Caribbean!