Tuesday, January 16, 2007

the rest of the story

So. You know how life can sort of catch you off-guard? Take you by surprise? Shock your socks off? Well, when I gave you my year in review, along with a look ahead I left something out. (An aside: I'm listening to Writer's Almanac, and Garrison Keillor just informed me that Victor Hugo wrote Hunchback of Notre Dame in four months. Four months! I give up.) Anyway. When I wrote those posts I was still recovering. In truth I still am recovering. And in all likelihood, I will probably never quite recover, because things like this actually never quite end, they just continue on in a different manner. And on, and on and on...are you curious, yet?

If you recall, or even if you don't, the night before Halloween I was afflicted with some dreadful stomach bug, or maybe just a revolt of my body since I had downed a ridiculous amount of cool ranch doritos. I spent several hours being miserable until my body decided enough was enough and then I got to spend some quality time in the bathroom throwing up. Which wasn't very fun. It made me feel a little better. But made me wary of enjoying too much the spoils of the next evening.
Having already eaten an entire bag of Halloween candy, I shouldn't have felt too bad for myself. Plus, I noticed that my slacking exercise routine along with all the junk I had been downing wasn't doing me any favors in the pants and mirror department, if you know what I mean. I vowed to do better, eat better, and was glad to have an appetizer suppressant for a day or two to get me back on track. A few nights later I puzzled to Ben over what had made me sick. Some bug? Something I ate? He said to me, "You aren't pregnant, are you?" And I laughed and said "Nooooooooooo." Which meant "Are you kidding? No! We have a wee babe with a broken leg! And even if he didn't have a broken leg, we have a wee babe, and the Lord knows what I can handle and at the current moment it's not another baby. Plus, I swore if I could help it, I wouldn't deliver another child in New York!"

So, you know where this is going, don't you. Once the suggestion is made, signs, real or imagined start popping up. Like the fact that my vitamins had been making me feel a bit queasy, or that my need to be near a bathroom was increasing (which I rationalized by saying this: It's a lot colder, so the amount of water I am used to drinking in the hotter weather doesn't get sweated out like before. It's logical, right?). And so I started to wonder. And one night while combing the bathroom cupboard for a new tube of toothpaste I came across a pregnancy test. It stared at me. It dared me to take it. And I pulled it out, put it on the counter and went and did the dishes thinking, "This is ridiculous. I am not pregnant. I can't be pregnant." But I'm not sure I believed myself.

For whatever reason, I always have to get my courage up to take pregnancy tests. Probably because they have potential to initiate the knowledge that a change of the bigger kind is on the horizon. And while I roll with change pretty well, it's not something I'm actively looking for around every corner by any means. But the dishes were done, and the test was there. It turned positive so fast I about fell over from the shock. It didn't even give me the requisite three minutes or however long it is you're supposed to wait. Heck, it didn't give me three seconds.

Ben got home late from a meeting and when I told him, I just started laughing. Which was considerably better than the alternative. Which alternative I took advantage of once I was in bed and the lights were out, and the rush of agitation and adrenaline was wearing off. Although it felt overwhelming, I think what I was really crying about was that I had just packed away my maternity clothes, and now they had to come out again and I hate maternity clothes.

So there you have it. A new baby. I should add that we are excited, of course. But I'm not experiencing this without some trepidation. It has nothing to do with adding another person to the clan. It has everything to do with doubts about my own capacity and ability. But there is someone whose capacity and ability are unlimited and I try my best not to doubt Him. And since my Heavenly Father has sent me someone new, I'm sure that those characteristics I'm lacking will be filled somehow. So there you go. My news. In anycase, it justs adds to the drama and suspense that is the year 2007!

11 comments:

  1. congrats! you'll be fine, i'm sure you're a great mom. how wonderful. when i found out i was preggo it turned positive immediately as well. but my little bundle should be here in 3 weeks (+/-) yikes!!

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  2. Hi, I'm a friend of DYM. I just want to sympathize with the shock, and wish you the best. I am mortally terrified of ever being pregnant again, or of adding to my zoo. I have 3, the youngest 3 months. I love them like nothin' else, but it's really all I can handle. Good luck!

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  3. Wow, I guess big Congratulations are in order. So you must be pretty far along too if you were feeling yucky as far back as Halloween. Maybe that's the good part, a third of the time gone just like that when the whole situation sneaks up on you. :)

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  4. Congratulations! I know I eventually would like to have more kids (if we are able to), but sometimes, like you, I really question my capacity and ability to be a decent mother to more than what I already have. It is comforting to know though, that the Lord will bear us up and give us the strength of character we need to raise His precious children.

    I am sure you will be a remarkable mother to this new little one you are given. When are you due?

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  5. This story sounds remarkably like the way we went from 3 to 4! Congratulations! I adore my kids, but EVERY DAY question my ability to parent these darlings entrusted to me.

    I should also mention , Rick had a quick hospital visit when I was 6 months pregnant, to be sure we don't have anymore surprises!

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  6. What wonderful news! Congratulations!!

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  7. How exciting! oh, I'd love to be pregnant again....guess I'll have to be satistfied with the fact that hubby and I are talking about adopting again...someday...

    Mary, mom to many

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  8. wow. I think our youngest is the same age as your son and I can't imagine being pregnant again right now. But as you say, the Lord knows what we can or can't handle. Congratulations.

    Oh and I still haven't put away my maternity clothes. Not because I expect any more kids, but because I can't fit into anything else yet. Ack!

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  9. I've been waiting to read this post until I had a few minutes to devote some real brain power to it. And now I'm sorry I didn't read it sooner. Congratulations! I'm here for you if, and when you need any help.

    I wondered....I have a pregnancy radar, but I have been wrong before...

    Very exciting.

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  10. After getting over the shock of a completely unexpected announcement I will go on record as saying I am thrilled! We really can do more than we think - faith is the great enabler and brings blessings trailing in it's wake. I'm proud of you Allysha!

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  11. My second was 10 months old when I (accidentally) found out I was pregnant with our third.

    I think the shock wore off when--scratch that, it still hasn't. She's 8 1/2 months old :)

    But shocking or not, a new little life is always a blessing--I held onto that mantra when I was 7 months pregnant, the second child STILL wasn't walking, and our house was on the market. Fun times! Congratulations :)

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